successfailed

successfailed @ 2006-02-10T10:36:00

2006-02-10T10:42:34Z

my eyes burn, a gut renching time,
passing me by, sit sit, fly fly.
against a window, heat warming her skin. angels surrounding, living living.
not a real goodbye, not a real ending, just on pause untill my times decending.

fur and lead sit by me,
i see the history caught in a flash, see it drift away, slowly and unwinding.

borrowed heartache, add it to the rest, a chance to be forgiven.
i hate my love best.

rolling over in seams, little girl, little dreams.
please oh lord send a back to me.

straw in the mouth, a fake baby a comes,
knees are at risk, follow the hum.
a rich brown and white, a rich town, a life.
an outsider just coming in, a touch of a heart, a break of the string.

but thank you lord,
for the missed times.

successfailed @ 2005-12-06T12:18:00

2005-12-06T12:18:12Z

my life it ended, many years ago, before i was born.
i have no friends, i hear nothing.
life's on hold, i'm cold,
not as cold as i wish to erternally to be, or sunk in rags like Jesus,
but not to be reborn, to be forever lost, join my coincense.
there's no future, just therapist bills and heartache.
i know how to heal my pain, but it would spread my pain to others,
so surely I must sacrifice myself to just exist.
people on tv make me sick, greed greed greed, fame fame fame.
i'm sick, in the head, in my bones, in my stomach, i clentch it one last time.
i have no passion anymore, i don't even think i had passion to start with.

BPD thoughts.

2005-11-30T18:09:14Z

Does this question everything?

are my high standards real? idealistic views real?

is what i feel real?

is everything i lived a lie?

am i living a lie?

do i like what i hate or hate what i like?

is the childhood dream of living in space on my own my only true way of getting away

from my mind? on my own?

why can i be broken but not fixed?
why am i not allowed to be fixed?
have i been cursed?
is a punishment to be pushed and grouped onto two illnesses that will never be

cured?

am i a bad person?
have i convinced myself i'm good?

maybe i think i'm right but i'm wrong?
and all the people who i "think" are wrong are right?
maybe i should believe these lies that must be truths?
confusion confusion.

run boy.
and play in the fields.
alone.
in the cold cold heart.

sometimes the pen don't stop.

2005-11-10T01:49:00Z

bashing memories, flood me, sometimes treed where my footsteps have been before.
its Erie, it's unnerving, but it's true, i never grieved it, maybe now it's time i do.
a deflated ego, a battered carcass a truth? not I. Eye?
release me, default my soul, my...i'm weary.
stationed to the right, the rain, the easy rhythm pain.
paid. corporate.
a sell out. a victorious sell out.
you can't be left behind when you're ahead.
so,
shut up.

successfailed @ 2005-11-10T01:39:00

2005-11-10T01:41:35Z

I have become everything I hate.
I have done everything I hate.
I have lived everything I hate,
I have decided on everything I hate,
I make you do,
I don't do, but you know. I'm the fool, not you.
My sorrow flickers in the moonlight, remorse, regret, another R?
I'm sorry. Okay? < / 3

most bands.

2005-11-01T12:28:07Z

most bands i hate.
not all bands. but mostly all.
apart from them and that guy over there.
the rest? i hate.

i especially hate them them and him, especially him.
he can't even sing, i especially hate him.
her is fine, but she's been removed, so that is fine.

they sing oh so false, he gets her to swoon,
beauty lies in his eyes?
well her words, not my mine.
he made/ makes me cut a line.
a cross.
indeed.

most bands i like,
but some of them i despise.

successfailed @ 2005-10-21T01:46:00

2005-10-21T00:47:18Z

Astral light, fire in eyes,
broken stones hide my disguise.
The thorn is caught
And tears at her dress,
A stranger’s hand,
Blood and death mess.
A smoke in the city,
A tears weathered storms,
Are lonely like parasites,
The suckers they are born.
Fear and envy,
Paralyse me to my bed,
A lonely heart’s story,
Succumb to my head.
Captured in mirrors
That break as i sigh,
And punch out the debris,
As you hear my angel sigh.
Awoken in sadness,
Crying in pain.
Lord can you heal me?
Please shut out the rain.
The streets are so empty,
The taste it turns bad.

successfailed @ 2005-10-11T13:33:00

2005-10-10T13:02:27Z

Tired of trying, fighting, life.
Tired of lieing, smiling, faking.
Tired of being just okay.
Tired of therapy, so very tired of therapy.
Tired of anger, hate, jealousy.
Tired of my mind, my actions, my thoughts.
Tired of my poor memory, the little i remember, the bad is usually it.
Tired of money, fighting to survive, stress.
Tired of the inability to control myself.
Tired of my music, unheard, unlistened, unplayed.
Tired of the connecting people with fake computers and screens.
Tired of the fake not connecting.
.tiredtiredtired.

ouch ouch

2005-10-04T01:40:20Z

sting sting.

jealousy ravages.

2005-10-04T01:08:47Z

"jealousy ravages my body like it's a poison pouring into every crevice of my bones and
pumping heart, stood on by a lone man.
i read back. i look back.
i torment myself, it's my demon, monkey on my back.
take it you don't like it then?
take you it reminds you then?
oh oh, but soaring is just an eventuality.
you beg and pray
beg and prey.
but words are like a blade
and that blade likes me, wishes to be my friend.
like speed of arms, red in the eye.
badges that cling, combed back hair.
did that mean something? nothing? over?
oh, it's just a lie now, covered up to make me feel better.
a song twists.
his erection.
it's you.
amazing.
but i cling. i cling.
swing in time.
i feel sorry for them, they try so hard, they try to be so hard,
they're not being, they're trying, it's so sad.
i mean to be a twat for the world
and for the world to love the twat, is that not sad?
is it only me who can see from the outside?
see the fake.
is it only me? or are you being quiet as not to upset the still waters?
it's sad. the name clings to skin.
skin fades, new skin born.
words aren't forgotten. pain is bore."

successfailed @ 2005-10-03T21:01:00

2005-10-03T20:02:08Z

"we're destroying ourselves,
we're ripping apart the human race.
we're all in too much of a rush for everything,
everyone.
we can't even talk anymore.
just sit still? no? too scary?

maybe not follow the path everyone follows?
because do you know something?
when someone walks off the path and on to no tarmac ground,
the grass starts to die and starts a new road where you can walk freely,
where people only find their own way, don't follow,
conform. don't conform.
you decide.

your born,
you go to school,
you to further school to "improve" yourself,
you get a job,
you marry,
you breed,
you rear,
you die,
you forget to live.

are you conformed? are you conforming?
have you ticked boxes?
oh my."